


Lex The Cat

by HiMiTSu



Category: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fic, on the verge of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 23:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6631105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiMiTSu/pseuds/HiMiTSu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a prompt on tumblr which basically asked for Lex been turned into a cat and Clark looking after him. The whole prompt is inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lex The Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Full prompt: This is cliche & tropey but I want it. Lex pissed off a metahuman (zatanna?) so they transform him into a cat. A dog chases him up a tree. Superman rescues the cat but Clark ends up taking the cat home bc it won't leave his side. (secret identity found out!) Cat!Lex is nasty to clark but clark is nice to him anyway so lex grows attached (imagine clark giving lex a gentle bath & lex sleeping with clark, as in curled up on the foot of his bed at night)  
> lex tries to change back into a person (when lex does, he's naked & on clark's lap) his other goal is to spy, thinking clark will reveal to be the evil tyrant lex thinks he is, but clark does normal things like buy groceries & cat food & do laundry & cook breakfast & lex can't believe this is what a god does. & lex bites & scratches & clark never attacks back. lex's frustrated, confused & also developing a crush (clark's casually shirtless in the apartment & lex licks him at least once  
> lex's sure clark has flaws though & clark does bc he's weird & confesses to his cat (lexcorp's ceo is missing & superman's tasked to find him. clark's frustrated bc this could be another lex stunt to make superman look bad & he's probably hiding in a secret lead lined bunker but clark says he feels bad thinking this bc what if something bad did happen with lex? & clark's really trying but he can't find lex & people r judging him & thinking he's not trying but he is, but lex can't be found!
> 
> I tried to make it humorous without getting into full crack territory:) Also I loved replacing swearing with meowingXD

Shit, Lex cursed and startled at the sound that came from his mouth.

Shit, Lex thought furiously but did not try to say it aloud again.

Shit.

“Meow.”

He scrambled up a tree, digging his claws into the bark with dexterity he certainly lacked as a human. It was one comforting thought in the sea of panic that was his mind and he climbed higher in a mad panic to get away from a threat. Said threat barked loudly with its paws pressed to the tree, Lex’s small flurry body just out of its reach. It was no fun been turned into a cat; on the other hand he at least had his memory intact. In retrospect, maybe he should not have made fun of Zatanna’s latest performance.

The dog left, having realized the futility of further pursuit, and Lex was left with another dilemma. Turned out, getting up was much easier than getting down. He shifted from one paw to another in a careful attempt to jump to a lower branch but the tree waved precariously and he bent his legs and hang for dear life. Meow.

“Mommy! Look, there is a kitten!”

Lex hissed at the little girl passing with her parents; he might not have been a big cat but he certainly was no kitten. The girl made a teary face and mumbled, “Someone has to save him!” And then, excited. “Will Superman help?”

No, Lex thought angrily. He would not become another charity project for that guy.

“We can call the firefighters, dear.” The father of the family suggested.

And even though the humiliation would be unbearable, Lex had to agree that sounded like a good idea. Traditional. People saving other people, well cats, just like in the good old days.

“But Superman likes saving kitties!” the girl insisted.

Lex hissed at her again and bared his small pointy fangs but the girl just giggled.

“I’m sure Superman has more important matters…”

“There are no more or less important matters,” a familiar voice proclaimed. Lex glanced up at the sky above the tree and seriously considered just jumping down to his death. “I try to help everyone.”

The girl screamed, a shrill sound that made Lex wince, and soon her cheering was supported by an applause of other passers-by.

Superman lowered his head humbly, a brilliant smile just a touch shy – a perfect image for those idiots to believe in. A kitten a day keeps everyone from realizing you are actually a villain trying to take over the Earth.

Then Superman flew over to the tree and reached for Lex.

Lex in a bout of defiance and hate clawed at his hands and actually did jump from the branch, he was however carefully caught and cradled to a muscular chest clad in spandex. Lex sniffed curiously despite himself, it did not smell like spandex. Could be some alien material, then? Hm…

Superman waved to the crowd, winked at the little girl, and flew up to the sky. With Lex held securely in his arms.

Well, “Meow.”

* * *

 

Instead of heading for some grand hide out they, to Lex’s utter surprise, landed on a rooftop of a rather inconspicuous building. Maybe this won’t be a complete failure after all, he thought as Superman looked around, most likely to make sure he had not been followed and headed for the roof exit. The corridors were empty and silent, with pale blue wallpaper and nice carpeting, apartment doors on every side. They stopped in front of the door just like any other and, after another cursory check around, entered.

“And we are home,” Superman announced cheerfully and let Lex down on the floor.

Lex sniffed around while Superman moved further into the flat and disappeared into a side room. The apartment was small but nice, definitely lived in with little knick-knacks lying around, things that give every home its character and tell a story of their owner. Books and notepads, a couple of pencils under an old plush couch, jackets and shirts thrown over the back of a big red armchair, and a couple of picture frames on the coffee table. Lex stalked closer, carefully stepping over the clutter on the floor. This was the moment, no actually The Moment, Lex had been striving for for so long now. Here he was, in the heart of Superman’s deepest secret. He felt the weight of expectation settle on his flurry shoulders.

Lex peered at the pictures and the very familiar faces smiled back at him. He felt disappointment tug at his gut. Was Superman merely trying to rope his bestie Clark Kent into adopting a stray cat?

Heavy footsteps, only one set still, made Lex turn around. Clark Kent emerged from the room, as was expected, but he was completely alone. Also, what made Lex squeal in shock and stare, he was wearing trousers with a white shirt unbuttoned over the Superman costume.

So…Clark Kent was Superman.

Somehow, after all the secrets and intrigues, this was very much anticlimactic. It did not even warrant a ‘Meow’.

* * *

 

It got pretty boring after that. Clark got him some milk and Lex, mentally disgusted at having to eat from a plate on the floor but physically pleased despite himself, polished off two plates.

“You are hungry for such a small guy, aren’t you?” Clark joked, got his hands scratched for the trouble, and left. To save the world or to write appraising article – that was unclear.

Lex amused himself by exploring the flat. He had already took a tour around the living room upon arrival, so his next stop was the bedroom. The whole place was ridiculously ordinary, no alien ships, no otherworldly weapons of mass distraction, not even a hint of an evil plan to take over the world. It was dawning on Lex that he might had overestimated Superman considerably. Then again, if someone chooses their alter ego to be a sad little excuse of a reporter like Clark Kent, they might not possess any ambition, or big brainpower.

There were take away boxes strewn of the floor and a legal pad with a half-finished article about Metorplois new sewage system. Wonderful.

Lex wasted the day away by tearing Kent’s shirts to pieces; they were so ugly anyway, this might actually be a favor, and meticulously gnawing through all the stray wires – such a mindless but unexpectedly satisfying experience.

Clark’s shout of outrage was definitely worth hours of hard work. It also, Lex was sure, would be worth the punishment. So Lex didn’t even try to cower and act pitiful, he sat proudly in the very middle of the whole chaos and stared at Clark in a silent challenge. He hoped cats could pull off a smug expression because he sure was proud of himself.

“What?” Clark frowned upon entering the flat, but instead of breaking into a rage fit and chasing the cat with heat vision, just shook his head with a sigh. Disappointment pouring off him was so strong, Lex froze in place, fighting the urge to rush to his legs and nuzzle affectionately, begging for forgiveness. Instead, he huffed and scurried to the kitchen.

“Alright,” he heard the journalist mutter under his breath. “I bought some cat food; you’d like that, won’t you?”

Lex did enjoy the cat food, all the while imagining his human self throwing it all up later. Not that he knew when that particular later would come to pass. Zatanna didn’t elaborate on how long her curse would last; it was bound to wear off in time, Lex only hoped it would be before the big gala celebration of a LexCorp anniversary. Might be hard to give a big speech when all he could do was meow and hiss. Though it would have been wonderful to give all those stuck ups a piece of his mind with no threat of repercussions.

“Did you have fun today?” Clark asked as he settled on the couch in front of the TV, Lex occupying one of the pillows. He didn’t look like he was planning on cleaning up anytime soon. “You must have, with all the mess you left.” He reached out to scratch the cat but Lex craned his neck and sank his teeth into Clark’s thumb.

A moment stretched, Lex biting on Clark’s finger and Clark frowning at him silently. Ah yes, Superman, Lex remembered. Well now, I just feel stupid, he bit harder just out of spite and let go with a consolation lick.

“You are one angry cat, huh?” Clark asked with no trace of malice. Puzzled, Lex watched the man inspect his bitten finger – no scratch on it. “Might be difficult to find you a new owner. You look nice but that temper…”

Bad temper. That’s exactly what Lex expected from Superman’s alter ego. He must get tired from playing a nice guy all day long, running around in that tight suit of his, saving kittens and nations alike. He must need an outlet for his deviousness after concealing it for so long. This could not be…it.

This _human_ spending his evening in a ratty t-shirt and jeans watching crappy TV shows and laughing at lame jokes. The mighty Superman. Feared alien…like an idiot who would not learn from his own mistakes reaching to pet Lex again.

Lex scratched at the hand angrily.

“Alright! Alright!” Clark laughed. “I get it. No petting.”

Lex hoped his glare in this state was as effective as in human form.

* * *

 

The following days passed in the pretty much the same way. Clark woke up, made some breakfast, scrambled eggs – how boring – fed the cat, got ready for work, tried to scratch Lex’s ear as a goodbye, unsuccessfully  of course, and left to either save the planet or write mediocre articles about himself. The egoistical bastard.

Lex, who already knew the flat like the back of his hand and had nothing left to explore by that time, slept. He discovered that cat dreams were a fascinating occurrence, that sharpening his claws on Clark’s favorite armchair was a brilliant past time and that watching the dust dance in the soft morning light was infinitely relaxing. It was shaping up to be a wonderful holiday.

Not to mention that watching Clark in his natural habitat, so to say, was very entertaining. Watching the man step out of the shower, only a towel slung low over his hips to protect his modesty, made Lex rethink his ‘no jocks’ policy. Not that he could get aroused by a human body in this form, but it was so very aesthetically pleasing.

Four days into this new living arrangements, Lex finally allowed his ‘owner’ some physical contact. He was cold, nothing else and Clark’s knees looked pretty inviting, so he paddled over the sofa and made himself a lovely little nest on the man’s lap. Clark made a soft surprised sound and sat unmoving for a couple hours for the fear of dislodging the animal. He looked stupidly pleased afterwards, but Lex decided he could be forgiven.

On the sixth day, Clark got a late night visitor at the flat. Lex hissed and scratched at Lois Lane as she tried to pick him up, he managed to dig his claws right into her palm before she learned her lesson.

“That’s one crazy kitten.” She commented with a weak laugh.

Lex bit at her leg angrily and the woman jumped away from him to hide behind Clark.

“He does not like being called ‘kitten’. He is a tough grown up cat,” Clark cooed while Lois looked on incredulously. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You know what,” Lois retorted, making herself comfortable on the sofa and lying down some papers on the coffee table. Intrigued, Lex jumped onto the armchair to have a look from upside. “Lex Luthor.”

Lex almost fell back to the floor, it seemed suddenly like he had too many legs and he stepped on his own paws in a frenzy to figure himself out. He missed what Lois Lane said next but got his composure back in time to see Clark’s eye roll.

“The League decided we should enjoy the moment of peace.”

“But-”

“And not run around looking for trouble.”

Lois made a frustrated huff, and ran her hands over the papers she brought. It were newspaper clippings, each one with assumptions about the disappearance of the most influential figure in the world of technology. Most articles were utterly ridiculous, some had very interesting theories, while a couple suggested his untimely demise.

“What if he is planning something, knowing Lex Luthor it’s not really a ‘what if’ scenario. Something is definitely going on.”

“We looked for him already,” Clark countered. “Nothing turned up.”

“It just means you did not look hard enough.” Lois was on the edge of her seat in agitation. “Whatever is going on he needs to be found.”

Clark glanced at the papers, musing, but shook his head. “Lois, you came here for dinner, so let’s just…” He waved in the direction of the kitchen helplessly, “Have dinner?”

She kept his gaze for a long moment. “Alright,” Lois gave up. And then, quietly, “But something might have happened to him. Something bad.”

Clark bit his lip, obviously torn, and still kept silent.

Lex’s gaze jumped from one journalist to another until they both decided to bury the bothersome topic and move on to the kitchen. Strangely enough, dinner was the only thing that had happened between the two and after it was over Lois left with a friendly hug and a whispered “Think about it, please.”

And Clark once again was left standing alone in the middle of his empty flat. He looked at the cat, his only companion. “What do you think? Is it possible that Lex Luthor is actually in trouble?”

The car stared back, unblinking.

* * *

 

The next night Clark arrived very late. When it was dark outside he rushed straight through the window in his Superman getup and landed in the middle of his bedroom. Lex, who was sleeping on Clark’s pillow, sent him an unimpressed glare. There really was no need for those theatrics.

Clark paced the room, full of agitated energy. That was unusual and warranted some attention, so Lex stretched luxuriously, and padded over the bed.

“What if she is right?” Clark asked suddenly, turning his intense stare to the cat. “What if something had happened to him?”

Lex tilted his head to the side to translate his confusion.

“What if he needs saving?”

Oh, they were talking about me, Lex realized. Saving? Superman was going to save _me_? The thought was so incomprehensible Lex forgot to grumble when Superman slumped heavily on the bed by his side and reached out to pet Lex’s soft fur.

“I _am_ worried, you know.” He confessed into the darkness of the room.

Lex licked at his fingers to offer some comfort.

* * *

 

Since that night things had changed for Lex. It was ridiculous how instead of laughing at Superman’s misery, caused by Lex Luthor no less, he was worried. Clark’s alien body could not hold the usual symptoms of exhaustion but it was evident in his movements and gestures nonetheless.

Lex was becoming _attached_. And that was becoming a problem.

So, “Meow.”

* * *

 

“Lois, I tried asking around,” Clark’s voice woke Lex from his slumber. “No one in the League knows anything. And, honestly, right now there are not that many members to ask; let’s say some of us are dealing with a threat in space right now. Also a couple of guys left on a holiday.” Lex could not hear Lois’s reply on the other end but it made Clark chuckle and slump on the sofa tiredly, phone to his ear. “Sure I can deal with a day off myself. But not before we find Lex.”

While Clark was distracted by listening to what his friend had to say Lex took the opportunity to settle on his lap – it was becoming his favorite spot for naps.

“I know. Every lead ends in a dead end.” Clark admitted frustrated. “Alright. Let me know if you find anything.” And with that he threw the phone to the sofa cushion carelessly.

“This is a bigger problem than I anticipated.” He confessed to Lex.

Lex jerked his ear and nuzzled Clark’s chest. “When did you become all domesticated?” He laughed, teasing, but his fingers were already buried in Lex’s fur so he could be forgiven.

They both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

Lex’s first thought as he came back to consciousness was that he was cold. He shivered and snuggled closer to the only source of warmth his sleep-muddled mind could find. The source sighed in content and ran his fingers through Lex’x hair. Lex in turn reached out and wound his hands around his neck.

Hands…

This time, consciousness slammed into his head like a brick. Lex startled and jerked back in shock. Oh, shit. “Meow.”

Clark Kent opened his eyes, “Did you just say _meow_?” And then he took in the whole situation. Which included: a very naked Lex Luthor sitting in his lap, eyes huge in shock, his own hands buried in Lex’s long red hair. The only coherent thought his brain could muster though was, “So you are a natural ginger.”

Lex’s mouth fell open in a scandalized gasp and he grabbed fistfuls of Clark’s stupid plaid shirt. “Shut up!” He screamed in panic. Instinctively he reached for a hideous throw usually lying at the end of the sofa, overwhelmed with an urge to cover himself.

“Sorry,” Clark said sheepishly and finally remembered to keep his hands away. “What…” He cleared his throat and tried again. “What happened?”

“Zatanna.” Lex spit out. “Turned me into a cat and…” He waved his hand as if that could fully show the gravity of what has passed.

“Alright,” Clark replied, slightly breathless.

Lex glared at him. Embarrassment was very strong in him at that moment. “You,” he pushed his finger into Clark’s chest. “Are going to lend me some clothes, then I am going to leave. And we will never speak about this again. Forget the whole thing.”

Clark nodded dumbly but made no move to get away; Lex in turn sat completely still, fuming.

“What if…” Clark started but hesitated uncertainly. Lex lifted his eyes to meet his. “What if I’d like remember some aspects…of the thing.”

“What?”

“I mean…” Clark’s face turned a bright red color; his gaze couldn’t find a good place to settle, constantly sliding down to Lex’s bare chest and barely covered modesty.

Lex felt a smirk tug at his lips. “Fine.”

“Hm?”

“I am going to leave now. I am going to take a week to get over this humiliation. And then you can take me out to dinner.”

“Oh,” a tentative sweet smile graced Clark’s features and Lex could not believe he had ever thought this man was hell bent on destroying the planet. “Good.”

“Well, it’s a date, Clark Kent.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can send me a prompt on tumbrl: http://mysteryismyart.tumblr.com/post/143259287130/taking-prompts


End file.
